The Mall: A Moonlight story
by Donnamour1969
Summary: Josef and Mick spend a day at the mall with their ladies. Fluffy one-shot. Rated T for mild language and adult conversation. No copyright infringement intended.


A/N: This random idea occurred to me, and wouldn't let me sleep, so I rushed to write it down. I sure miss this fandom, but I won't be gone again for long! Enjoy.

**The Mall**

MICK

"I look like a pack mule," said Josef grumpily as our girls trotted ahead of us, happily entering a lingerie shop.

"Well, you're half right," I grinned. Our arms, shoulders, and hands were loaded down with Beth and Simone's many purchases, and I'm sure we did resemble beasts of burden as we sat heavily on the bench outside the umpteenth store of the day.

Josef shot me a look of annoyance, but by then it seemed it was his main expression of the day. Simone suddenly came out of the store again, thrusting her purse onto Josef's lap. "Hold this for me, my love," she said to Josef, kissing his cheek with a loud smack. Before he could protest that this was the last straw, she skipped back into the store. Josef looked down at the Prada handbag and shook his head.

"Stake me, Mick. Stake me now. I'm holding her goddamn purse."

I chuckled. "This is our penance, remember? We made them go to the Laker's game and they were bored out of their minds. We said we'd make it up to them, and a day at the mall is what they chose. Now man up and hold on to your purse."

We leaned back against the uncomfortable bench in silence for a minute, well, except for Josef's frenzied foot tapping.

"Why couldn't they have just ordered all this stuff," he began, starting to look inside Simone's shopping bags. "I mean, that's why God invented the internet, right? Or personal shoppers."

"Women also have a hunter-gatherer instinct—at least where clothes and shoes are concerned. They like to try things on first."

Josef grinned for the first time in hours. "That's what Simone said about me. I guess I was a perfect fit."

I snorted at his bad joke. I glanced over at my friend who was staring at the pictures of full-busted models in pink lingerie. "I don't think Victoria has many secrets anymore, do you? Not that I'm complaining, mind you. I wish women would simply walk around in their bras and panties and leave as little as possible to the imagination. There'd be a lot less room for disappointment."

"Yeah, I know how much you hate mysteries," I said. "I, on the other hand, am a detective, and I say there is nothing sweeter than revealing what a woman has on under her clothes for the first time. Anticipation is the best aphrodisiac, in my opinion."

"You and your twentieth century mentality. Back in my day, if you saw a bar wench you liked, you paid her the two pence and tupped her in the alleyway. Awww…those were the good old days. It was so much less work before women started claiming they had '_rights'_." It was the first time I'd ever seen him use air quotes.

"So says the man who married an attorney."

He chose to ignore my comment, and in his restlessness, began scanning the other stores. "Did you see a bar in this place? I could really use a drink."

I grinned. "There are no bars in malls, Josef."

His eyes suddenly lit up. "But there _is_ plenty to drink. Just look at all the potential freshies walking around here. You know, I should invest in a mall for vamps. I can see it now: _Freshies 'R'Us. Freshie King. Blood Julius._ Now that's a mall I could sink my fangs into."

I laughed heartily, then noticed he was reaching into his suit coat pocket for a cigar.

"You can't smoke those in here," I warned, looking around for a security guy.

"I always thought you were nothing but a glorified mall cop." He lit up anyway, and I just shook my head in resignation.

Then Josef decided to people watch. A girl in short shorts and Ugg boots came sashaying by. "Would you look at that mess, Mick? Young people today have no fashion sense. And look at that guy. Mohawks were so 1983. What happened to the time when women never went out without a fur coat and pearls, and men wore hats and three piece suits?"

"Oh, hey, I remember that. It was called the 1950's, an era you accuse me of living in every chance you get."

He puffed on his cigar thoughtfully. "They got everything right back then except for the sexual hang-ups, which by the way, is the only thing you managed to hang onto from that time."

"You don't know what you're talking about, Josef," I said, remembering how just last night, Beth and I had likely gone through half the _Kama Sutra_.

"Last time you had a threesome?"

"None of your business." Well, there had actually only been one time for that, when I'd just separated from Coraline. It hadn't been as great as I'd hoped.

"It was just the one time, back in the eighties, right? I set that one up, if I recall."

"Listen you hypocrite, somehow I don't see that Simone will be welcoming a third into your bed anytime soon. Unless the third is a guy, and I don't think you could handle the competition."

"Ha. I'm perfectly confident in my manhood. I—"

Just at that moment, Simone and Beth emerged from the boutique, pink striped bags ready to add to their mules. We rose to greet them, rearranging their bags, careful not to crush them.

"Thanks for holding my purse, Josef," Simone said, her eyes bright with mischief. "You're such a good husband." She patted him on the cheek in a patronizing way, to which he just grinned indulgently.

"Anything for you, my sweet."

Beth tiptoed up to kiss me. "I got a little something to add to my trousseau," she whispered. "Would you like me to model it for you later?" She opened the pink striped bag and I noticed a wisp of some nude colored confection that would leave little to the imagination. I looked into her eyes and felt my head swimming a little at the promise I saw there.

"Oh, yeah," I said, taking the bag by the handles. She grinned wickedly.

"Is that too much for you to carry, dear?" Simone asked Josef, as she and Beth linked arms to move on to the next shop. "I'm so glad you are so confident in your manhood," she said, obviously having overheard our conversation with her vamp hearing. She and Beth had a good laugh at our expense, but we followed them like the obedient puppies that we were.

I looked at Josef with a raised eyebrow. "Whipped much?"

"Shut the fuck up, mall cop."

**The End**

A/N: I'm gearing up for a full length "Moonlight" story soon, but thought you'd like a taste to tide you over. I'd love to hear your comments!


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